And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
