I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
