a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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