Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The air was thick with penises
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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