help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
