have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
