So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
