Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
