My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
