he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
