well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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