is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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