my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
