sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
