The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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