my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't deserve a penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
