just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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