If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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