I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
