You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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