Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
