I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
