just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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