Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
