Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
