I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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