eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
