So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
