it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
