he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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