is your mom at the bar?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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