Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
