Porn is love you can see.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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