I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
