Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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