bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
