New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
