Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
