Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's blow job season.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
