tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
