I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
