It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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