My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
