Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
