I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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