when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
