my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
