dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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