I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
