my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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