My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
sex in a hospital.. check
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
