I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
