Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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